My Education from the Miseducation (of Lauryn Hill)

This past Tuesday evening, I saw something that I should never see again. I shouldn’t have seen in the first place. I was on the hunt for Marsha Ambrosius’ new album, Late Nights and Early Mornings (which is fabulous- by the way) and Adele’s latest release 21 (this will be one of the greatest albums of this decade) and I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw…

…brace yourself…

…are you ready?

…postive?!?!

…okay...

I saw The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill on sale for $7.00!!!

I know right!!!! I couldn’t believe it either! Such blasphemy! With just a five dollar bill and eight quarters, you could purchase one of the greatest musical masterpieces ever. How could they do this? It angered me. It really did. I left the store and didn’t even buy the other CDs out of protest.

I went home and pulled out my copy of The Miseducation. It’s never far from me. I’ve often said that if the Bible had a soundtrack, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill would be it. Yes, this album is that definitive to me. And I’m not alone. Every review of this gem agrees with me. But it took me a long time to get to a place where Lauryn’s miseducation could speak to mine.

When the album was released, I was starting my junior year of high school. I was still naïve, virginal, oblivious to love/men/relationships/confidence- all the things Lauryn spoke to. But I still knew I had something precious. I was beginning a transition in my life- a transition into womanhood. I was ready for college and all the uncertainty that came with it. More times than not, I would just sit and hit repeat over and over and let these words wash over me:

And deep in my heart, the answer, it was in me. And I made up my mind to define my own destiny.

The Miseducation did something all my years of church attendance could not. It helped me clothe myself in true self confidence and become aware of my place in and potential impact on the world.

With college (and adulthood) came the musings of love and I thought I’d found it. My movements, my intentions, my sacrifices, my thoughts reinforced that I was in complete and total possession of what so many twice my age were still pursuing:

These buildings could drift out to sea- some natural catastrophe. Still there’s no place I’d rather be, cause nothing even matters to me. Nothing even matters. Nothing even matters to me. Nothing even matters. Nothing even matters to me…..

But not only could Ms. Lauryn give me the words to articulate great and wonderful emotion, she was also my source to define what was turning out to be more of a complication than my life’s completion:

No matter how I think we grow, you always seem to let me know it ain't workin'. And when I try to walk away, you'd hurt yourself to make me stay. This is crazy.

And she deposited the wisdom in me that, if I let go, it would get better:

Everything is everything. What is meant to be, will be. After winter, must come spring. Change, it comes eventually.

Lauryn Hill and her 16 pieces of luggage were- and continue to be my roommates on this journey known as life and love.

They have been here when I’m dealing with the consequences of my devastating mistakes:

It’s been three weeks since you’ve been looking for your friend- the one you let hit it and never called you again…Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem, baby girl….

…or when I force someone to deal with the consequences of their devastating mistakes:

You might win some but you really lost one. You just lost one, it's so silly how come. When it's all done, did you really gain from what you done done? It's so silly how come. You just lost one.

…or when I realize that where I am probably isn’t where I need to be:

But I loved the young man….and if you've ever been in love then you'll understand that what you want might make you cry and what you need might pass you by- if you don't catch it. And what you need, ironically, will turn out what you want to be- if you just let it.

…or when I realize that where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be:

See my soul was weary but now it's replenished. Content because that part of my life is finished…I used to love him. Now I don't.

…or when I realize that where I want to be is not where I am:

I know I'm imperfect and not without sin. But now that I'm older, all childish things end and tell him- tell him I need him. Tell him I love him and it'll be alright.

Through the one hour and seventeen minutes of The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, I have grown and continue to grow. I evolve from the unassuming schoolgirl to a woman, unashamed of her mistakes and unrelenting in her quest for love. That type of transformative power has to be worth more than 140 nickels. It has to be.

I believe it is.

Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.

Forgive them indeed.

©CMB, 2011